I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
