I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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