Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
