We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
