i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
