I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
