so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
