so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
