Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I love you.
Bad choice
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
