What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
