Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
