Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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