I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize