What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
