i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
