Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if only i could text you this smell
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
