There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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