I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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