: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
