Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
