You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
