i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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