I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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