The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
