I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
