Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
