I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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