some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
