we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize