Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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