Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
