How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
