Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
