How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
