Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
