I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
