My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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