I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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