I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
