yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
