you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
