Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
