I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
