if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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