absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
time to smoke my breakfast
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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