Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
