I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
