I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
