a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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