You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize