walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
