mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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