Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
