he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
