Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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