I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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