I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
