Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
