hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize