I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
