Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
