I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
