yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We need to get me chipped asap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
