You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
