The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
