He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
