how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
